Saturday, March 10, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
One of our awesome twitter friends posted a query
World renowned blogger Michael Monaghan who has his own blog http://www.mjmonaghan.com @mjmonaghan_ tweeted the query: “You can write one letter before you die. Who would it be to?”
I, J. Timothy Quirk, on behalf of #ourawesomeclub-have decided to put in a formal response. This is my letter. If you write your own letter, tweet Mr. Monaghan and let him know!
My letter:
Open letter to the invading Aliens who are conquering the planet,
Well the timing of your invasion was not good for me personally, so I hope you’ll forgive me if I’m sort of miffed at the whole thing. You may not have been aware that I was supposed to go on a book tour in July and I was really looking forward to seeing Wilmington. The fact that you vaporized it demonstrates a cavalier attitude I don't appreciate, because even if we ever defeat you and regain our planet, I won't be able to take advantage of the tax-free shopping as I had intended.
Getting straight to the point, you should probably know we are all very disappointed in you. In films we have always expected aliens to look like giant insects or scary monsters or on the opposite side of the spectrum, you could have looked eerily similar to human beings. You can imagine how underwhelmed I felt upon seeing aliens looking more like grey single celled protozoa. I suppose at best you have slightly more charisma than my office’s accounts receivable department but the bar had been set pretty low before you got here.
It was our fault entirely for summoning you to our planet by an improper use of the Large Hadron Collider. Scientific inquiry often begins with someone saying "Hey what’s the worst that could happen?” but then again bad B movies from the eighties began that way too and of the two scenarios, it’s really Joel Schumacher I can’t forgive. To the other members of the animal kingdom who were wiped out in mere seconds by some kind of particle beam from your ship, I suppose on behalf of humanity I would like to extend a heartfelt "our bad" and be done with that.
As I see you’re slowly oozing your way across the keystone state and you will soon arrive at my home, I’d like to conclude by saying that it’s very bad form to leave Jim Thorpe, PA for last on your destruction list. I know what you’ll say, “we were leaving the best for last” but really that’s just talk because as you’re still calling us Mauch Chunk it’s clear you have no true understanding of our history. I’ll have you know, the real person who was Jim Thorpe may not have played sports here or lived here, but the spirit of Jim Thorpe is alive and well here and if the future of humanity is at stake, it lies in the beating hearts of the hardscrabble folks who persevere despite adversity. It is why you will probably be ultimately defeated.
So what I’m saying is that we deserved to be attacked prior to, well c’mon, you chose to attack Reading before us- Really? That’s like a really bad tactical move and once again, we’re all very disappointed in your invasion. You have left us this one shot at reclaiming our planet and I have the unwavering faith in the adaptability of humanity with the exception of those who still think our current American health insurance system is a good idea.
Sincerely
J. Timothy Quirk 
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